So I’ve been really busy lately or… not busy at all just lazy. I’ve actually been trying to work on a new system for me and all my projects and things that I want to do. Not many people know, but I have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). I was supposed to grow out of it but I don’t think I did. And for a while I went through the whole “there’s no such thing, ADHD isn’t a real, it’s just hyper kids with no outlet”. From High School till my last year of college that’s how I felt about it. I simply thought my parents hadn’t put me in enough activities, or that none of my teachers really put in the time to help me understand things. I placed a lot of blame where it didn’t belong, and now 2 years out of college, with no homework or college life to keep me distracted and in line, I find myself bouncing around blindly from task to task.
I do believe I grew out of the hyper part of ADHD, I’m actually super mellow. Now I just think I have normal ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), which is the same thing but no large amounts of random energy. Though I still have a problem with restlessness and impulse actions, must of the time this becomes an issue if I become highly frustrated or annoyed. But I digress, what I’m trying to say is people with this disorder have a very hard time staying organized and on track. The ironic part about all this, is that I love organization… or the idea of it anyway.
I know myself well enough to know when I’m fooling myself, and because of this I “mom” myself a lot.
“No Kelley you can’t do that”
“Kelley why haven’t you started on that project yet”
“Kelley get up and stop watching TV, you don’t even like this show”
“Why are you still on Facebook, it’s nothing but complaining anyway, what are you looking for?”
It’s goes on and on, but you get the idea. I’ve been working really hard to try and find a plan that works for me, something to keep me on track and focused. Because I know how bad my life can be if I didn’t care, I know how unorganized and how unhappy I would be if I didn’t do anything. And to me, that’s the scariest thing there is. That’s my version of a nightmarish hell. I watch shows like Hoarders or Buried Alive to remind myself of this fact. I’ve tried a lot of different strategies to keep myself focused, most have derailed… and it doesn’t take much for me to get derailed. I could say my boyfriend moving in or my grandma giving me 12 mini canvases to paint or the kitchen being to messy derailed me from my blog and whatever scheduled lifestyle I had then, but it could have been something else entirely.
If I’ve learned anything about myself, it’s that I like things to be planned ahead of time and scheduled. If some event jumps out of nowhere, I have a hard time dealing with it. I’ll have days where nothing is planned and days where my day is booked and if something comes up out of the blue on a booked day, two things will happen.
A. I will try my hardest not to go to said event, if it’s not extremely important that I be there or…
B. I will go, but be annoyed at first. Do whatever the event is and then there’s a 75% chance my scheduled life will slowly decline to laziness nothing or I will rush to finish the things I was supposed to do that day. 50/50 chance if that works and doesn’t all fall apart.
And with saying all that, I should add I’m surround by spontaneous people whether it be friends or family. My life would make a wonderful comedy sitcom. I do love them all dearly, but sometimes it does make having a concrete schedule a little difficult. I imagine things might be easier in the future but until then the experiments will continue.
So currently I had an idea to organize everything! It was an amazing idea! I would just write down what I wanted to do, put it in a Tin/Jar and then pick at random! This was my great idea, and honestly it sounds silly. But honestly I think it might work. The whole concept behind it was to free my mind of thinking about all the thousands of other things I wanted to do, and the guilt of picking a crafty idea over an organizing one, or a workout idea. I would literally feel bad for taking some relaxed activity over a blog related one. It drove me crazy and in turn I did nothing. I couldn’t even enjoy a video game, because there were to many games to pick from. So I started writing everything down, I didn’t even know what to do at that time. But writing down all my ideas whether it was as simple as doing the dishes or as complex as saving $500, it just made me feel way more in control and less overwhelmed. Then without thinking, I started to cut them into strips and folding them, I had a random tin near me and started throwing them in there. I didn’t want to throw away my thoughts and plans, I wanted to save them. I wanted my life to be planned but not planned. The tin holds all the things I want to do, but in what order I do them is a mystery. And the fun thing is, I can’t pick a new task until the one I picked is completed. I figure this forces me to do one thing at a time, while leaving room for random life events.
Here’s to hoping I’ve found my balance!
Do you have ADHD or know someone who has it? Do they have a hard time staying focused or is life more laid back for them? And what are some strategies you use to stay focused and on task?